Sunday, July 18, 2010

i just want

2 years ago, when i went for matrix, it's been a historic time for me.. at that time, a lot of things changes. maybe because of the unstable hormones, i was like so easy to fall in love. everytime i met this guy, i will say..."gosh, he's so cute", "goodness, he's so handsome", " i hope he fall for me" and bla bla bla. but by the end, it end up worst. he has someone else, he likes someone else, he does not like to flirt, he's a gay(hahah..just joking).

the most important thing is, i always fall for someone who is unsuitable for me...and by the end,i'm hurt.. bad mood all the time, forgot all the things that i should do as a student, disturb others life (my friend of course, shila, ayu, a'an, dll), and most of all finished a lot of money (phone creadit) and time.

at that time, i felt nothing than disturbed. i can't focus.. in matrix i like 3 people, i stalked two person and 1 person make friend with me, but then we end up because he feels away from ALLAH.

i feel like being dump, even though i'm not really dump by this people. but still i'm hurt. so at 2009 February/March, i have said something. everyday, everytime i feel hurt.

"Ya Allah, please keep my heart close from any other man in my life. open it wide just for me to accept and gain knowledge for my best in the future"

every day, until i finished my matrix. when the things happened again in Unimap, again i repeat the same 'doa'.

but all of this happened n the year of 2008 and 2009... it's 2010 now. and after the last fall in love with the person, it seems like i never fall in love with any other people. at least for almost 8 months (november-july).

somehow, i'm afraid. listening to my friends talking about their boyfriends, it makes me feels something. i don't know, it's not jealous, but afraid... afraid i end up dead without getting married.hahah..maybe??

i want someone to love me. in return, i'll love him back. others from my family, because i always love them no matter what.

so... my answer for the title is...(i'll recite is as 'doa');

"Ya Allah, please give me one last love (from a man that i can legally married) and let the love to the marriage..."


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