Friday, November 18, 2011

cerita aku

masa aku kecik2 dulu,
aku hope aku cepat besar,
sebab orang besar banyak duit.
boleh beli sticker banyak2,
nak lekat kat pensil box,
nampak cantik and meriah je.

masa aku kecik2 dulu,
aku hope aku cepat besar,
sebab orang besar boley beli macam2.
masa tu aku nak sangat buku warna2.
yang gambar barbie tu.
siap aku cakap, lau aku besar nnt, aku nak beli banyak2.
boley main warna-warna.

masa aku kecik2 dulu,
aku hope aku cepat besar,
sebab aku nak sangat pakai cd walkman.
pakai tu nampak cam mewah gila lah..

masa aku kecik2 dulu,
aku hope aku cepat besar,
sebab orang besar boleh beli macam2 (reason ni lagi)
aku nak patung barbie.
tapi tak dapat..
so aku harap aku cepat besar ada duit sendiri,
boleh beli apa aku nak.

tapi lately,
aku gi pasar malam,
ada orang jual sticker, buku colouring ngan mainan.
aku terpikir, dah besar camni, ada lagi ke orang yang main benda2 cam tu?
tak bestnye bila dah besar
siyes~~

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

to be honest, if people ask me to recall what is the best memories that i have when i am a child (since born till 12 years old), i don't think i have a good memories to remember. my child life is not fun after all. when i was a child, or to be exact, when i was born, my father salary is only RM200 at that time. potong2 bayar bil suma, agak2 cukup ke untuk sebulan?

so that, i don't really have toys. as i could recall, my toys is from my grown up cousins who didn't need them anymore. so they give it to me. at that moment, receiving them is a bless.. walaupun dah buruk. and i still keep them in my room.

and everytime we went out, of course, as a child, i do have those feeling to want those kind of things. but what my mum said,"tak mo lah, mama tak de duit lah nis," and from what my mum told me, tade pulak i hentak2 kaki sebab tak dapat benda tu. sulking, i'm sure i do it, even my mum didn't say anything about it.

i guess that's the reason why, when i grow up, i value a lot of things. i have this habit of finding the lowest price instead the quality one with the high price. and i have this bad habit of lying. when my dad ask me,"do you have money right now?" i'll say i have, even i don't really have it... and sometimes, i'll let my account to be zero for a few weeks before i ask for some.

i didn't say i'm a good child after all. what i try to say is, i really hate seeing a child being spoiled too much.. seriously.. bila tak dapat sikit, hentak2 kaki, tarik muka masam macam muka lubang tandas. contoh terdekat, my brother.

since our family has become a little bit better than before, from what i see, both my mum and my dad spoil my brother too much. it's kinda annoying actually seeing he'll get what he wants.

i won't spoil him. that's my promise. i'll treat him like what my mum and my dad treat me last time. because i think how they treat me has produce what i am right now.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

i've make a decision...

i'll reactivate my facebook account which have a lot of friends in it once i'll travel away from unimap.. that's it...

(which will happened in 2 weeks time i guess)


















ps: too much drama is not good you know.. i hate it because it always appear good infront while in fact, it is sucks!
ps:ps: thanks for making up my day... ARASHI :P

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

shock with myself

this past few weeks, i personally feel that i've change a lot. i don't really like to talk, but everytime i talk, all that i blurted out are nonsense. well, kinda of jokes actually, and all of them are not making any senses. and today, i made another decision:

i decided to deactivate my facebook account. the one that i have "a lot of friends". somehow, i feel that i spend to many time "watching drama" in there, so i decided to deactivate it. yes, it temporary, but i don't know until when.. i just don't have any feeling in my heart to open it, unless if something damn important for me to re-activate it back.

yes, i have another FB account, but for time being, i'll let it be for my classmates, family and the one who i want too.

i'm shocked because i believe everyone knows i'm an internet addicted. to be exact, facebook addicted. so, me, deactivating FB is something that not many people expect me to do so. yes, i didn't online with skype before, but, i'll install it later. and i'll be active in twitter and myspace after this as i really love to write. don't ask me why i deactivate my FB so many time. for now, i just need some privacy... that's the reason why, the other fb is for me, my family and the people i trust.

thats all...

((i might be outdated for active in myspace and weird for active in twitter, but, i guess, that is the only way.. ahhh.. tsukareta!!))

Thursday, September 29, 2011

saya bukan sombong, tapi....

saya tak friendly... fact yang memang sangat susah nak ubah... which i don't think i really wanna change it..

well, not really actually. once, i know them, normally i will definitely be a talkative person... whenever i meet a new people, i don't really be the one who begin the conversation... once i feel awkward being a viewer of a conversation, then only i start talking...

so, to whoever begin a conversation with me, i'm sorry that i behave that kind of behaviour.. it has become a habit.. i can't change it easily as i have become so comfortable with that behaviour..

try to ask my classmates, i don't usually talk a lot, unless i want to. so, sorry people... i'm really sorry...

so in a conclusion, "saya tak sombong, tapi saya tak friendly on a first time knowing you guys.. it takes time"

sekian terima kasih

ps:// hectic week people.. siyesly.. class yang tertinggal nak kena cover balik.. coih... tolong maafkan saya ye suma.. jangan kecik ati...
ps:ps:// life of a fangirl is tiresome and bothersome.. damnit

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

kemenangan bukan milik saya

this is not a dissapointed post, it is something to mention. hik...

al-kisah... selasa malam, 11.50 pm... somehow, private number appear on my phone screen... kepelikan sangat jelas disitu, sebab biasa kalo private no nih, sorang je... En Wan. so, dijadikan cerita, aku pun angkat telefon and he asked me to go to HEP by the very next morning... ok, dah tak sedap hati dah.. ni mesti kes last2 minit nih... adoi...

jadi hari rabu pagi tu, aku pun pergilah ke HEP, sampai pukul 9 pg, then masuk je pejabat en wan, dengar lagu then trus start practice sampai pukul 2 ptg... then malam tu sambung balik.

sesi latihan jangan ceritalah... aku nikan penakut high not.. high note memang hancur. then ad-lib yang ntah hape2... berapa kali kena tegur... jadi insiatifnye ialah aku wat fake note kat setiap ad-lib yang kena buat.. bengong kan???

ari khamis, aku tak de latihan sebabnya pagi aku ada kelas, petang en wan plak ada hal ngan intake pelajar baru, malam plak aku ada kelas. jadinya, aku pun tak berlatihan lah ari tu... ari khamis tu just cari baju n try settle kan suma je

then jumaat pagi, settlekan baju suma, and practice for two hours something je... malam jumaat supposed dah sampai UPSI but maybe terlalu penat, so kiteorg pergi sabtu pagi... so total practice hanya berapa jam je... scary ok tak cukup latihan nih... adehhh...

then sampai upsi, first day takde wat apa2... malam tu kiteorg gi tgk yang nyanyian solo punya pertandingan... ahh..sangat sedap suara sorang2... and aku sebenarnya sangat cuak malam tu memikrkan high note yang sangat goyah. so malam tu, dalam kereta pergi tasik kat proton city tu, sambil tu nyanyi practice dalam kereta..

sampai pukul 2 pagi kot... penat gila... tu pun en wan suruh wat showmanship malam tu.. siyes da tak larat. then balik bilik trus tido... pagi tu bangun lambat then trus gi wat latihan pentas... disebabkan ada record utk RTM, so rehearsal sampai ke petang.. letih tol. band plak salah main masa rehearsal RTM tu... at that time memang cuak larr... bukan salah main sebenarnya... dorang tak update ngan score baru... so, ada kekeliruan disitu..

malam tu, make up suma RTM yang wat... just aku wat tudung je la... adeh.. pening pale den memikirkan camne nak wat tudung tu... but siyesly, for me, costume bukan important pun.. kalo pakai cantik2 nyanyi cam hampeh apa guna?

itula yang berlaku malam tu.. evrything seems ok at first.. suma tade masalah... low note suma bley control... but then the last note, hancur!!! pecah kot!!! malu aku.. adoiiiii... masa rehearsal ok je... huhuhu..

nak tau tak sebab apa? sebabnya aku lupa nak amik nafas masa part yang sepatutnya aku amik nafas.. and another reason is, suara aku da serak time b4 nyanyi pun... ahh.. dissapoint tol aku time tu... bukan dissapoint sebab apa, tapi dissapoint sebab aku bawak lagu orang kot... lagu baru... cuak yang amat time tu...

turun je stage adoiiiii, rasa sangat serba salah!! nak ckp ngan en wan pun rasa cam "adoiii, bersalahnyaa"... a lot of time aku ckp sorry, but still tak hilang rasa bersalah tu....

malam tu nasib menyebelahi kami... Inspirasi merdeka, lagu baru yang dicipta oleh en Izwan Izhar dan lirik Qauyum "and" Mimi, berjaya meraih tempat ke-2.... clap3... 3rd place goes to UM and 1st place goes to USIM.

why i said kemenangan bukan milik saya... yang menang itu lagu, bukan penyanyi... hell impossible for a singer yang dah terpecah suara waktu perform boleh menang, betul tak? so yang membantu kemenangan kami ialah lagu dan lirik.. saya hanya penyampai lagu...

the real congrats should go to en wan and qauyum... not to me actually, saya hanya menumpang... :) adoiii

itu je lah... as i said earlier, this is not a dissapointed post... this is just to mention something, to who should the real congrats be... and another story is, saya hanya gfestanti orang untuk pergi wakil tu. heheheh... i wish i can do better next time..i hope... goodness!! please lah...

ps:// somehow, i've been cursed with 2nd place lately... festkapp 2nd place, festkum 2nd place, ni patriotik pun 2nd lagi... eh. not me lah... unimap.... hik

Sunday, August 14, 2011

so much to tell


but before that;
congrats to team nasyid belia 4b perlis

huhuhu... they won 1st place untuk pertandingan nasyid belia kebangsaan 2011 baru-baru ni.. eeheh.. congrats.. you guys sure the best.. ye lahhh.. tengok la sape yang masuk pun.. taiko2 terbesar nasyid and performance... kak balqis, qauyum, azuan, redza, fatin, n others... suma nama-nama besar kot.. hik3... not only johan for nasyid ok.. best solo too...warghhh sangat menyesal tak mintak cuti gi support dorang...

and more...
congrats to pasukan kompang belia 4b perlis..

they won 1st place too.. ahahah.. ni pun taiko2 gak yang masuk... ahhh...credits goes to their trainer too... congrats.. tak sia2 berlatih.. heheheh...

so here we go the 2nd stories...

well, i'm officially a fangirl of arashi now.. kuso!!! hahahah... gomen gomen.... somehow i hate an addicted life.. last year i am so into johnny depp, and this year i am so into Arashi which lead to this


yes, i bought their concert dvd for my own birthday present, my own money.. cost RM 30 something.. but worth it for me.. i don't really get present this year... all i got is in form of money RM 50 from my father's friend which I spend it for harry potter, cinema and food..and another RM 200 i got it from my aunt, which i spend RM 60 for Al-Quran with translation and RM 100 for a neclace with key and lock as its locket. ahhh... i'm biased with another RM 40??? MIA... ngee~~

ahhh.. right after i bought it, i watch it... woahhh.. kakkoii ne Arashi... daisuki desu!!! wargghhh... hontou ni suki!!! well, that shows the 'fangirl side' of mine... ahahahah...

speaking of present, yes, i'm now 21 years old.. it has been 2 decades i live in this world already... somehow the earth has become so old.. it's not stable anymore... so many earthquake nowadays... ahhh...there's so much to think about

so i guess that's the end of the post today... i wonder this time, how long am i going to be an Arashi fan.. wonder.... heee~~

till then, jaa ne~

Sunday, July 17, 2011

last post before i turn 21

1 hour 20 minutes more... about that time... well, i'm not really 21 this 12.00 o'clock by the way... about 21 years ago, i was born somewhere about 16.46 pm... well i'm not sure about it.. it was written in my birth certificate. the hospital clock might be a lil bit fast or a lil bit late from the exact time.. plus minus i guess.. if everyone keeps thinking the way i am, then there'll be a very big argument about your time of birth.. heheh...

first of all, thanks mama for giving birth of me... through cesarean section... well to have me, it's quite trouble i guess... my mum experienced the placenta previa (have to search in the web to find what its name in English or medical term)... bad for her i guess. Thanks mama for having all those kind of trouble. i'm so sorry by the way. thanks to ayah also... for all the scientific process that takes place in "forming" me...

i don't know what exactly i want to say in this post. i guess it's not only about "thank you" things. i've been thinking a lot about what am i supposed to write for this entry.. i wanna make it special... but i don't know how. so i create a lot of question.

in this 21 years of living, have i ever feel glad of doing something that at first i am hesitate? i guess a lot. but not many... somehow, when i feel hesitate of doing the thing, it sure end up worst... but not all. there still something that i'm glad doing it. ahh.. i'm so not knowing how to elaborate this..

in this 21 years of living, is there anything that i really want and i didn't get? haa.. i'm not born into a bedtime stories which whatever they dream will come true. in fact, i have a lot of things that i want but i keep it secret... it's not about taking care of others feeling... but it is more to my own feeling by the way.. what if i keep hoping to have it yet nothing comes to me? by keeping it to myself, i guess, that's the only way i'll forget it.. if i have it later, i'll be so grateful. if i didn't get it, it will just fade away, the wish.

in this 21 years of living, is there anything that i feel regret of? i don't want to say this now. if i'm regret of what i'm doing, i'm afraid, there will be a lot of regret come in future. i fact, i'm afraid of the phrase "regret of what i'm doing". what i believe is, if i regret of doing this thing, anything related to this things in the future will be a big failure.

there're a lot of question that i have answer just now. but i guess only these 3 question i really want to share the answer.

i don't really remember my memories that i have before. somehow, i pray once before. "ya Allah, please just let the good memories to stay while the bad one, please take it away".... even there are still bad memories lingers in my head, but any kind of childhood memories that i guess is bad for me, i just can't remember it unless someone makes me remember it.. haha... i found it interesting by the way.. Thanks Allah..

somehow a lot of things I've got to experience... being a teacher, being a student, being a violinist, being a performer, being a phone seller... and i'm proud of it...

i'm not sure if i really have something more to say... i should stop.. i talk many ridiculous things after all... somehow it's bored... now it's left about 30 minutes before 12.00 am... this year, no celebration again.. i guess i stop celebrating my birthday since i am 18... i do celebrate my birthday last when i am 17... i wonder if i will celebrate again in future, but i think it's not really needed after all

up till now, i have 2 things that i really want.. soon or later if i didn't get it, i'll buy it myself.. and these two things, i wont forget as i already told someone that i want them... muahahaha...
*Al-quran with translation <--- i just want to know what is the meaning of every word i recite...*
*A necklace with key as a locket <--- i have one before, i guess i'm around 15 or 16 that time, but my mum says that if someone wear a necklace with key, it shows you're already 21... so i ask her to keep it for me and once i turn 21, i want it back... it cost only RM2 by the way... i ask her again this year if she still have it, but then she said,"entah ada, entah tidak" (in another word, she not sure if she still have it) (-.-"") so i guess, i need a new one. soon or later.. even if it cost 100 and above, i'm still going to find it and wear it.. for sure!!! that's it.. ngeh3

between: happy birthday to me :))) let me be the first to wish myself :D

thanks Allah for letting me to live up till now. even i'm not a good muslim, but as time flies, i wish to be a better one... to everyone else who read this, please pray for me... thanks a lot :))

Friday, July 01, 2011

what's the point???

what's the point of having a special one in your life, but all you get is a full regret and heartache

(T.T) i want it no more..

so sorry to reject you

this is my answer to your words

Sunday, June 19, 2011

sawang yang penuh...

eh penuh ke? tak la penuh mana pun kan??? baru sebulan tak menaip.. heheh... yay! holiday people... 4 months... hahah. well.. i already spend nearly a month by the way.. ngee... result was out (ahha... i guess that one is a broken english.. heheeh) ... somehow, got mistakes here and there on my result.. so got to recheck the calculation back.. seriously...

my current obsession??? ahhahahah... Arashi.. gosh.. penuh external HD aku download talk show ngan pv... something about japanese entertainment industries... i guess they have some people who use to monitor youtube so that no video of their idol in there... copyright things... good effort by the way...:)

ahh.. siyes.. if you don't have mood, tolong la jangan tulis blog... or else it's going to end up like this.... boredddd!!!!!!

ps:// i just created a livejournal account... but, siyes no idea how it will work for me or how am i going to work on it...

ps2:// if i able to write again later, i'll wrote about my working experienced.. as a nursery teacher


Wednesday, May 11, 2011

moving


yep, i'm moving out... well not my family, but me and my classmates... i wonder why they're moving us... seriously it's heartbreaking after all.. i hate moving... it's tiring :(

they said it's already been confirm, but we'll wait and see for next sem. ahhh... another tired sem i guess...



Tuesday, May 10, 2011

it's raining

yup... it's raining.. you're not wrongly reading it... hell to yeah i'm not going to sing those 'rain rain go away. come the other day" song.. it's not needed... Perlis really need rain after all...

ahhh.. it's a dry season, and i hate it.. somehow i prefer rain than hot sunny day... it's not that troublesome to bring umbrella along, but yet it'll be troublesome if you don't bring it... ngee~~~

speeking of that, it quite a long time Perlis didn't experienced any rain.. it has been a hot day even at night. and it has been a long time since the last time i have enough and proper sleep. i'll sleep at two a.m everyday and i'll wake up at 4 a.m. why? it's so 'comfortable' to sleep in this kind of situation... "hot + exam" situation. grrr... somehow i'm tired, but still it'll be my routine... 2 am to 4 am is my sleep time... if i able to sleep again, i'll sleep or else, i'll open my notes and once i feel sleepy, i'll sleep again :D

yet, i still have one more paper left. Geomatic engineering... the most-hated-and-fail subject for me. i didn't get any idea about the subject though. i hate it... it's not because of the lecturer (don't want to put a blame on others), it's because of me after all... sick, skipping class, not focus.... good for that..well it's three days left before the final paper, i guess i still have time though.. haish...

pray for me people... :)

((it's bored acually... and i'm so into my mood to write an entry in english... it didn't appear any red, so i guess no problem with my spelling, but maybe my grammar... ahhhhh... damn it!)

Saturday, April 23, 2011

ready tak ready kena face jugak

ha... next week dah start exam. tapi aku semacam tak ready je.. ye lah, dok menadap laptop seharian, pastu tgk moie.. ngek kan? but alhamdulillah, few subjek ada dah buat revision awal, just nak tgk imbas2 je..huhuh

but siyesly, aku tak tahu pun aku exam apa n bila.. ang aku tahu, dua paper pertama aku ialah heat n mass ngan statistic engineering... percaya atau tak, dua subjeck ni aku macam ready gila2 nak amik exam... ahahaha.. others, hurmm... macam lalang dah.

pape pun, kawan2 beta... gud luck ye... ganbatte ne!!!! huhu <---- influence cita jepun... aishhh~~

that's all from me... huhu.. pray for me people.. :)

Sunday, April 17, 2011

update before a week of study

hurm... finally, dapat pun peluang utk update blog.. bukan setakat peluang, but mood.. itu yang penting... hehheh...

owh, new things about me? kalo sape baca my status kat FB, they'll know yang i sangat2 addicted ngan drama jepun right now. haaa... kalo dulu bosan mengadap laptop, but semenjak oguri shun jadi my desktop background nih, excited pulak ngadap laptop... huhuuh....

owh, yes, saya minat oguri shun... tambah lagi dengan matsumoto jun.. haaa... mengeluh aku dengar nama dua org nih... tapi.. something that you guys really need to know, i don't think that they really take my heart away from Johnny depp. take my eyes, yes, but heart, no! huhu... siyesly weyh, they don't even care... ahahha.. so why should i?

owh ye, i've received award of "sri budayawati" unimap. arigatou!!!!! i believed i received the award due to my involvement in performance and talent i grew in UniMAP.. not only singing, but i do become a violinist to supposed-two-but-one competition which is keroncong.. the othe one which i didn't got chance to join is that sayembara puisi.. sad (T.T)

i love doing all, singing, music, dancing.. but still in unimap, i haven't got chance to dance yet... owh yes, better not... take away that words!! ahahah...

so, my whole gratitude is to those who help me along last year, this year in performance and competition.. without you guys, i won't be able to do by myself. thanks to En Wan for giving me chance to join dondang sayang, nasyid bla bla bla, to libren, azuan, and abg det for da help and support for festkum... abg det especially because a lot of things from him... walaupun keroncong tak menang (hua T.T).. haish.. tu la berlagak sangat tak nak buat warm up suara pagi... grrrr... then to en mi, kak ita, en fendi, kak wani... n suma lah... thanks you so much

then to coki, naz, kak aida, my classmates who really2 appreciate my talent after all. and of course to those yang meminjamkan saya alat make up n selendang n kasut utk show.. ahha... saya pinjam selendang, bukan baju.. ngeee.. talking about this, hurm ada yang tak senang bila tgk saya terlampau aktif... tak tahu la apa masalah anda... sorry to said.. but lately, aside from being a first-impression- thought person, i'm also has become a tone and facial reader... obvious sangat ada yang tak ikhlas.. kalo anda tak ikhlas, you don't have to say a word pun... tak perlu nak membusuk hati..

owh, ini bukan dituju kepada classmate saya ye... tapi kepada mereka2 yang berkenaan... know wha, i hate talking right now. yet i hate listening to what people talks... cause sometimes, keikhlasan tu takde... much better don't ask n don't talk..

no one really understand, but as i said before, never hope people to understand you and accept you.. you'll find it meaningless.. kan? owh, actually niat tak nak emo taip entry nih, but, terpaksa... ok shut the hell case.

saya sangat kesian kat classmate saya sebenarnya... compare saya dengan mereka, mereka sangat rajin.. kalo saya tido pukul 12, dorang akan tido pukul 2. kalo saya tido pukul 2, dorang akan tido pukul 4... kalo saya tido pukul 4, dorang takkan tido n terus pegi kelas esoknya.. ni suma gara2 lab report n design project... siyesly ppk bioproses, utk adik2 junior saya nnt, jangan lah letakkan sampai 4 lab dalam satu semester... anda da grab kami punya planning utk subject wajib jugak... next sem, kena struggle utk subjek wajib pulak... sabar je lah...

siyesly, i wonder... am i really a 2nd year student.. cause i feel like i'm a 4th year student who undergoes FYP progress. everyday in lab, everyday mengadap laptop buat lab... owh my life is pathetic!

hurmm... cukup lah merapu... mood bengang sebab all lab report hilang dek virus!

Tuesday, April 05, 2011

pergi mampus sama ko!!!! wahai test!!!

fuck! aku benci test banyak2... tapi apa boleh buat... inilah hakikatnya... sebab banjir hari tu, suma test terpaksa postpone. nak salahkan sape?

aku tak suka test sebab aku belajar dengan mood... kalo aku belajar, tapi mood aku tak de, mesti apa yang aku baca suma tak masuk... aku rasa most of my mood comes with calculation... that's y i'll start my study with maths...

aku merapu apa nih? argghhh

kesimpulannya, aku sangat hilang mood... tolong jangan dekat...

Saturday, March 26, 2011

I'm sorry

i'm sorry anis
because i didn't stand for you.. i keep down to my self. to someone who are unable to stand up and speak for you

i'm sorry anis
because i cause you a lot of trouble. if i strong enough, you won't just fall in love

i'm sorry anis
because i'm weak. which cause you to have a lot of hope even by simple words

i'm sorry anis
because i never try to be strong without love

i'm sorry anis
for every single things that has cause you hurt for what ever i want.

.............................................

and i just can say
"it's not ur fault wahai hati... it's my fault. because it's me who should control you. bukan kamu yang control saya. ikut kata hati. tak semua kata hati perlu saya turutkan."

and today,
wahai hati.. kuatkanlah dirimu, aku aku turut menjadi kuat. aku tak gagal, cuma aku baru bermula... maka dengan ini, biarlah engkau tinggal kosong tanpa perkara2 yang bisa menyeksakan hatimu, dan penuhkan dirimu wahai hati dengan ilmu dari segenap sudut. agar tiada ruang buat kekecewaan menumpang walau sekelumit di bahagian mu.

apa yang berlaku hari ni, jadikan semangat buat aku, yang bergelar wanita. aku mahu berjaya! itu yang aku mahu.. aku tak mahu perkara lain buat sementara waktu.

ps:// i actually think that allah is fullfill my doa once before.. i want one last love, and i want that love for a marriage... i think Allah really fullfill my doa.. so why should i be sad? i should be gratefull. shouldn't i? yes i should!

Monday, March 14, 2011

saya rasa pelik, nape eh?

something wrong.yes.wrong. ntah hape hape.

i wanna post bout yesterday. just a few. semalam join pertandingan 60an kat kangar ni ha. everything was going fine in the beginning, masuk saringan, lepas saringan, masuk final, buat rehearsal. every single thing is fine. but then bila tiba kat final, damn it! pecah! hampeh betul.

what i didn't understand is why? padahal, semuanya elok awal2, bila tarikh penting everything is spoil. masalahnya, bukan setakat nyanyian, even buat experiment pun suma tak jadi. apa yang berlaku nih?

nervous??

nervous ke? hurm... masa belakang stage tu, memang gila nervous. tapi bila naik stage tu, trus cuba hilangkan nervous.. berjaya. tapi, mungkin bila dah nervous tu, nafas dah habis, jadi tak dapat nak tarik ngan betul. serious, i'm real dissapointed with myself, because i know i can do better than yesterday, but shit la... nape lah jadi cam ni.

everytime nak perform masalahnya. i think it start from preview festkum. belakang pentas confident, bila atas stage, nervous tak hilang, trus performance jadi teruk. damn it lah... nape ni wahai NUR SYAHIDATUL ANIS? apa masalah anda sebenarnya?

mungkinkah saya mengalami masalah tak confident pada diri sendiri? pada bakat sendiri? i really don't know the answer. but sometimes, i know i have talent, but, maybe yes, i don't really confident with it.. sabar je lah..

or maybe i have a stage fright?

from http://www.ehow.com/how_4868091_overcome-stage-fright-singing.html

  1. Acquire complete comfort with your performance material. When you are singing, you should focus on the execution rather than frantically attempt to remember lyrics, notes and entrances. Natural nervousness can amplify into full-blown stage fright when you are not secure with the material.

  2. Thoroughly warm up your vocal chords and body before a performance. The first affects of stage fright can strongly increase tension in the throat and various muscles throughout the body. Preempt this problem by doing vocal warm-ups, moderate limb stretches and deep breathing exercises.

  3. Immerse yourself in the appropriate emotions of the piece and allow your performance to follow suit. Vocal performance is not only entertaining but cathartic for both the singer and the audience. Staying in the moment, as opposed to anticipating mistakes or mishaps that haven't even happened, will push your stage fright to the back your mind.

  4. Connect with your audience. One of the scariest things about performing is the idea that everyone's eyes are on you and you alone. You can overcome this fear by feeding on the attention of the audience rather than dreading it. Make eye contact with individual members as if you were the only two in the room, essentially drawing them into your performance.

  5. Genuinely enjoy yourself. This might sound simple, but it's easy to allow the anxiety of singing in front of an audience to eclipse the reasons you wanted to sing in the first place. Replace the pressure of not making a mistake with the intention of having a great time.

i should apply this.in future.i hope

Monday, March 07, 2011

in this nearly 21 year of living

i now know what is the real meaning of "group working"

group working is:

a few of people who put their name in a colony, but only few do their works while maybe 1 or two just being a parasit, watching other people do their works.


ps:// maaflah saya jadi "penumpang"

mood: bengang ngan macam2 orang.. parasit n org lain buat kerja, dia dapat nama.. geram? sorry for those harsh words. sape makan cili, dia rasa pedas

Tuesday, March 01, 2011

something to learn

last few days pergi uthm, utk join festival keroncong makum. bertolak hari khamis pagi sampai khamis malam kat UTHM. memang tak buat apa dah.. penat gila.. sampai2 je trus mandi2 then tido sampai pagi tu.

owh ye, saya tak sempat mengundi utk pemilihan MPP UniMAP. ni ada lah nak sesat kan topik. this is the first time unimap buat pilihan raya. before this, masa unimap tak buat pilihan raya, suma sibuk ckp unimap tade PRK. then tengok kali ni, bila ada buat pilihan raya, ada plak yang malas nak turun mengundi.. KASI LUKU JE KEPALA BEBUDAK EDUCATED NIH. banyak cakap tapi action tak buat.

well aku tak ngundi sebab, masa aku nak mengundi tu, kena beratur sangat panjang sebab tenet sangat lembab. tak sempat nak daftar. then dorang decided transfer student pergi kampung wai utk mengundi.. mana dan aku nak pi kampung wai.. bas nak gi UTHM da sampai ULU. so, terpaksa la tinggalkan aja... zip mouth kalo calon pilihan aku tak jadi MPP. huhuhu

sambung cita kat UTHM tu. at first we thought ada lah bengkel keroncong. rupa2nya tak de plak. datang2 trus rehearsal key and hari ahad tu trus bertanding. and know what, bertanding pagi.. damn it.

something happened that morning. waktu menyanyi tu, suara kuar suara ayam. hahah.. maybe sebab tak cukup warm up suara. banyak buat breathing je. haish.. yes i damn dissapointed with my self. first because keroncong is one of my favourite. always perform this kind of song kalu kat luar. unfortunately, because tak ready betul2 i fail.

but at least i do learn something from here. first, do have enough preparation before going for a competition, do have a good warm up, and do not give a high expectation.

seriously, i tak rasa kecewa tak menang, just kecewa with myself because i know i can do better then what i do there. but future, i'll try my best from what happened in keroncong 2011.

fortunately, our band get 3rd place. and sangat respect budak2 UPSI. sangat smart arrangemnt korang. 2nd time represent UniMAP main violin, memang this time, i gain a lot of experiences.
congrats to all of you.. next time try to do better

ps:// i really really really really really miss ISMMA. and also my life in SGB. feels like i didn't depend on people to guide me while playing violin and something that i can say there was 'the top of my life'. i really need that violin spirit right now. i really2 miss you all.. and i miss myself

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

update.. ngee~~~

well, it has been a hard time.. terpaksa tumpang komputer orang lain utk online... aishhh.. actually not computer... tapi line tenet sebenarnya.. unimap wang ulu still tak ley update blog..even after using proxy pun.. sob sob

ok.. sepanjang tak update nih, banyak benda yang berlaku.. sakit mata obviously... till now, i'm doubt macam mana bley kena sakit mata tu.. but maybe berjangkit dengan my younger brother.. huhuh.. terkilan gak sebab tak dapat join sayembara puisi kat UMP.. huhu... sakit mata sampai kuar darah bley... doktor tu cakap, dlm mata ada luka.. and kelopak mata kena infection.. sob sob

but among all the event yang berlaku, yang paling i'll remember ialah, family gathering kat gunung ledang resort.. best.. the place is ok..

event for 3 days 2 nights. masa hari kedua tu, sebab sejuk, i sampai tak mandi sampai ke petang.. well actually bukan sebab sejuk, tapi sebab organize event.. heheh.. quite a success one. so here's the story.

waktu organize the first night karaoke, i feel like tersangat lah kosong majlis tu. well, jadi mc kan.. so, after semua habis, i gather all the cousin and suggest an award ceremonies utk all my aunts and uncle.

so, selepas an hour, dah siap apa award nak, so, i said mintak kutip sorang dua ringgit esoknya. nak beli hadiah. and dah siap2 siapa juru audit undi utk esok, bendahari, ajk multimedia, mamarazi, ajk hadiah and paling important memastikan ianya adalah rahsia dr pengetahuan yang lain2.. heheh

esok pagi, i wake up early, lepas sarapan, terus buat kad undi. and ada lah berlaku few funny things between the voters.. ngee.. especially yang kecik2 ni.. ada 4 org, my younger brother, zafran, ajib and raihana.. i allowed them to discuss nak undi siapa.. heheh

after siap2 kira undi and kutip duit suma, my cousin (kak dilla and kak iekin kot) gi beli hadiah n kek utk birthday and anniversary ayah lang n mak lang..

n malam tu event pun berlansung... well for me, i'm not satisfied with my self because i can't manage the sequence so well. but thanks a lot kat kak dila n hafiz sebab berjaya jadi mc yang nice and cover my worst part.huhuhu...

so, here's a few trivia..

ada 30 orang yang vote suma..
ada antara anak buah yang decide " ko undi mak aku, aku undi mak ko"
ada cousin yang undi parent sendiri... hurmmm.. sape tu heheh
ada satu undi rosak utk uncle paling popular.
undi paling tinggi ialah 16 undian utk both aunty paling popular and aunty paling anggun
ejaan aunty ditukar jadi 'anutie'

itu je kot... nnt lah update lagi..huhuhu.. till then daaa~~~

Sunday, January 02, 2011

ini kawan saya 2

haaa.... kali ni siapa pulak? heheheh... orang yang dimaksudkan perlu merasa bangga ye. kerana.. this is my first entry in 2011... aside from that, this is the 200th post... hahahh... siapa yang kena? mai mai tgk bawah

Alia Najiah Lokman

nape gambar ko suma nye berdua? susah nak cari yang ko alone... hahah

ye andalah kami cari.. ni ialah cik Alia ye.. huhuh... harap maaf, orang yang anda dail sudah berpunya... heheh

sesi perkenalan: sesi perkenalan dia ngan aku bermula dari friendster. aku add dia sebab dia kawan kepada kawan aku. awal2 tu memang aku tak rapat sangat ngan dia neh... pastu bila aku dapat tau dia kmpk, aku plak nak apply kmpk, so aku start contact ngan dia la... mintak info skit sebanyak ngan dia. then melalut-lalut sampailah macam2 problem aku cerita ngan dia... menariknya, kami tak pernah jumpa, but boleh hu ha hu ha macam org gila dalam chat.. ngeee

about her from my view: hurm.. what about her? well tak banyak. sebab tak betul2 kenal.. but she's a great listener. bila aku ada masalah je, memang aku akan bercerita ngan dia laaa... skype penghubung.. ngeee~

orang yang tak segan nak berkongsi apa2.. knowledge ke time ke.. but at least tak kongsi BF lah kan.. wakaka... and bila aku ckp "alia tolong online", nnt mesti dia online n buzz... and mula la bercerita macam2.. best.... biasalah perempuan kalo bercerita, ada lah hal2nye kan... but hanya aku ngan dia la tau hal apa.. huhu

setia.. yup. alah, kalo ingat ex, it's normal lah. aku pun selalu teringat ex aku. but, bg aku, kalo org yang aku kapel skang ni membahagiakan aku, wat apa aku nak tunggu org yang dah dump aku kan.. same situation here. tapi, normal.. bf skang memang akan jeles ngan ex-bf. but insyaAllah, cik Alia n his BF now insyaAllah akan berkekalan. huhu...

sabar. yup sebab susah sebenarnya cinta jarak jauh ni..apatah lagi terpisah dek lautan n benua..wakakak...

kenapa best kawan ngan dia? : best sebab first, aku suka menulis. n always aku meluahkan perasaan aku via tulisan. aku kurang sket bercerita melainkan kalo betul2 depressed. so, adanya dia nih, chat. kind of menulis lah kan.. she's a good listener... banyak support aku la

kami ada sort of persamaan. musician (aku violin, dia saxaphone ye kot..hahah), student ipta (dia ukm, aku unimap), kami ex kmpk, minat johnny depp..ahahahhha... so, ada je la benda utk dibualkan. means banyak la benda dia nak layan aku merepek. huhuh..

apa lagi ek? banyak sebenarnya.. yang pentin, aku senang dengan ko.. selesa. tak nyakitkan hati..hahahahha... pape pn.terima kasihlah atas layanan ko ke atas aku.. haha.. tu je ah... have fun weh..

ps:// hope to hang out with you sometimes :)