so much to tell

but before that;

congrats to team nasyid belia 4b perlis

huhuhu... they won 1st place untuk pertandingan nasyid belia kebangsaan 2011 baru-baru ni.. eeheh.. congrats.. you guys sure the best.. ye lahhh.. tengok la sape yang masuk pun.. taiko2 terbesar nasyid and performance... kak balqis, qauyum, azuan, redza, fatin, n others... suma nama-nama besar kot.. hik3... not only johan for nasyid ok.. best solo too...warghhh sangat menyesal tak mintak cuti gi support dorang...

and more...

congrats to pasukan kompang belia 4b perlis..

they won 1st place too.. ahahah.. ni pun taiko2 gak yang masuk... ahhh...credits goes to their trainer too... congrats.. tak sia2 berlatih.. heheheh...

so here we go the 2nd stories...

well, i'm officially a fangirl of arashi now.. kuso!!! hahahah... gomen gomen.... somehow i hate an addicted life.. last year i am so into johnny depp, and this year i am so into Arashi which lead to this

yes, i bought their concert dvd for my own birthday present, my own money.. cost RM 30 something.. but worth it for me.. i don't really get present this year... all i got is in form of money RM 50 from my father's friend which I spend it for harry potter, cinema and food..and another RM 200 i got it from my aunt, which i spend RM 60 for Al-Quran with translation and RM 100 for a neclace with key and lock as its locket. ahhh... i'm biased with another RM 40??? MIA... ngee~~

ahhh.. right after i bought it, i watch it... woahhh.. kakkoii ne Arashi... daisuki desu!!! wargghhh... hontou ni suki!!! well, that shows the 'fangirl side' of mine... ahahahah...

speaking of present, yes, i'm now 21 years old.. it has been 2 decades i live in this world already... somehow the earth has become so old.. it's not stable anymore... so many earthquake nowadays... ahhh...there's so much to think about

so i guess that's the end of the post today... i wonder this time, how long am i going to be an Arashi fan.. wonder.... heee~~

till then, jaa ne~

last post before i turn 21

1 hour 20 minutes more... about that time... well, i'm not really 21 this 12.00 o'clock by the way... about 21 years ago, i was born somewhere about 16.46 pm... well i'm not sure about it.. it was written in my birth certificate. the hospital clock might be a lil bit fast or a lil bit late from the exact time.. plus minus i guess.. if everyone keeps thinking the way i am, then there'll be a very big argument about your time of birth.. heheh...

first of all, thanks mama for giving birth of me... through cesarean section... well to have me, it's quite trouble i guess... my mum experienced the placenta previa (have to search in the web to find what its name in English or medical term)... bad for her i guess. Thanks mama for having all those kind of trouble. i'm so sorry by the way. thanks to ayah also... for all the scientific process that takes place in "forming" me...

i don't know what exactly i want to say in this post. i guess it's not only about "thank you" things. i've been thinking a lot about what am i supposed to write for this entry.. i wanna make it special... but i don't know how. so i create a lot of question.

in this 21 years of living, have i ever feel glad of doing something that at first i am hesitate? i guess a lot. but not many... somehow, when i feel hesitate of doing the thing, it sure end up worst... but not all. there still something that i'm glad doing it. ahh.. i'm so not knowing how to elaborate this..

in this 21 years of living, is there anything that i really want and i didn't get? haa.. i'm not born into a bedtime stories which whatever they dream will come true. in fact, i have a lot of things that i want but i keep it secret... it's not about taking care of others feeling... but it is more to my own feeling by the way.. what if i keep hoping to have it yet nothing comes to me? by keeping it to myself, i guess, that's the only way i'll forget it.. if i have it later, i'll be so grateful. if i didn't get it, it will just fade away, the wish.

in this 21 years of living, is there anything that i feel regret of? i don't want to say this now. if i'm regret of what i'm doing, i'm afraid, there will be a lot of regret come in future. i fact, i'm afraid of the phrase "regret of what i'm doing". what i believe is, if i regret of doing this thing, anything related to this things in the future will be a big failure.

there're a lot of question that i have answer just now. but i guess only these 3 question i really want to share the answer.

i don't really remember my memories that i have before. somehow, i pray once before. "ya Allah, please just let the good memories to stay while the bad one, please take it away".... even there are still bad memories lingers in my head, but any kind of childhood memories that i guess is bad for me, i just can't remember it unless someone makes me remember it.. haha... i found it interesting by the way.. Thanks Allah..

somehow a lot of things I've got to experience... being a teacher, being a student, being a violinist, being a performer, being a phone seller... and i'm proud of it...

i'm not sure if i really have something more to say... i should stop.. i talk many ridiculous things after all... somehow it's bored... now it's left about 30 minutes before 12.00 am... this year, no celebration again.. i guess i stop celebrating my birthday since i am 18... i do celebrate my birthday last when i am 17... i wonder if i will celebrate again in future, but i think it's not really needed after all

up till now, i have 2 things that i really want.. soon or later if i didn't get it, i'll buy it myself.. and these two things, i wont forget as i already told someone that i want them... muahahaha...

*Al-quran with translation <--- i just want to know what is the meaning of every word i recite...*

*A necklace with key as a locket <--- i have one before, i guess i'm around 15 or 16 that time, but my mum says that if someone wear a necklace with key, it shows you're already 21... so i ask her to keep it for me and once i turn 21, i want it back... it cost only RM2 by the way... i ask her again this year if she still have it, but then she said,"entah ada, entah tidak" (in another word, she not sure if she still have it) (-.-"") so i guess, i need a new one. soon or later.. even if it cost 100 and above, i'm still going to find it and wear it.. for sure!!! that's it.. ngeh3

between: happy birthday to me :))) let me be the first to wish myself :D

thanks Allah for letting me to live up till now. even i'm not a good muslim, but as time flies, i wish to be a better one... to everyone else who read this, please pray for me... thanks a lot :))

what's the point???

what's the point of having a special one in your life, but all you get is a full regret and heartache

(T.T) i want it no more..

so sorry to reject you

this is my answer to your words

sawang yang penuh...

eh penuh ke? tak la penuh mana pun kan??? baru sebulan tak menaip.. heheh... yay! holiday people... 4 months... hahah. well.. i already spend nearly a month by the way.. ngee... result was out (ahha... i guess that one is a broken english.. heheeh) ... somehow, got mistakes here and there on my result.. so got to recheck the calculation back.. seriously...

my current obsession??? ahhahahah... Arashi.. gosh.. penuh external HD aku download talk show ngan pv... something about japanese entertainment industries... i guess they have some people who use to monitor youtube so that no video of their idol in there... copyright things... good effort by the way...:)

ahh.. siyes.. if you don't have mood, tolong la jangan tulis blog... or else it's going to end up like this.... boredddd!!!!!!

ps:// i just created a livejournal account... but, siyes no idea how it will work for me or how am i going to work on it...

ps2:// if i able to write again later, i'll wrote about my working experienced.. as a nursery teacher

moving

yep, i'm moving out... well not my family, but me and my classmates... i wonder why they're moving us... seriously it's heartbreaking after all.. i hate moving... it's tiring :(

they said it's already been confirm, but we'll wait and see for next sem. ahhh... another tired sem i guess...

it's raining

yup... it's raining.. you're not wrongly reading it... hell to yeah i'm not going to sing those 'rain rain go away. come the other day" song.. it's not needed... Perlis really need rain after all...

ahhh.. it's a dry season, and i hate it.. somehow i prefer rain than hot sunny day... it's not that troublesome to bring umbrella along, but yet it'll be troublesome if you don't bring it... ngee~~~

speeking of that, it quite a long time Perlis didn't experienced any rain.. it has been a hot day even at night. and it has been a long time since the last time i have enough and proper sleep. i'll sleep at two a.m everyday and i'll wake up at 4 a.m. why? it's so 'comfortable' to sleep in this kind of situation... "hot + exam" situation. grrr... somehow i'm tired, but still it'll be my routine... 2 am to 4 am is my sleep time... if i able to sleep again, i'll sleep or else, i'll open my notes and once i feel sleepy, i'll sleep again :D

yet, i still have one more paper left. Geomatic engineering... the most-hated-and-fail subject for me. i didn't get any idea about the subject though. i hate it... it's not because of the lecturer (don't want to put a blame on others), it's because of me after all... sick, skipping class, not focus.... good for that..well it's three days left before the final paper, i guess i still have time though.. haish...

pray for me people... :)

((it's bored acually... and i'm so into my mood to write an entry in english... it didn't appear any red, so i guess no problem with my spelling, but maybe my grammar... ahhhhh... damn it!)

ready tak ready kena face jugak

ha... next week dah start exam. tapi aku semacam tak ready je.. ye lah, dok menadap laptop seharian, pastu tgk moie.. ngek kan? but alhamdulillah, few subjek ada dah buat revision awal, just nak tgk imbas2 je..huhuh

but siyesly, aku tak tahu pun aku exam apa n bila.. ang aku tahu, dua paper pertama aku ialah heat n mass ngan statistic engineering... percaya atau tak, dua subjeck ni aku macam ready gila2 nak amik exam... ahahaha.. others, hurmm... macam lalang dah.

pape pun, kawan2 beta... gud luck ye... ganbatte ne!!!! huhu <---- influence cita jepun... aishhh~~

that's all from me... huhu.. pray for me people.. :)

update before a week of study

hurm... finally, dapat pun peluang utk update blog.. bukan setakat peluang, but mood.. itu yang penting... hehheh...

owh, new things about me? kalo sape baca my status kat FB, they'll know yang i sangat2 addicted ngan drama jepun right now. haaa... kalo dulu bosan mengadap laptop, but semenjak oguri shun jadi my desktop background nih, excited pulak ngadap laptop... huhuuh....

owh, yes, saya minat oguri shun... tambah lagi dengan matsumoto jun.. haaa... mengeluh aku dengar nama dua org nih... tapi.. something that you guys really need to know, i don't think that they really take my heart away from Johnny depp. take my eyes, yes, but heart, no! huhu... siyesly weyh, they don't even care... ahahha.. so why should i?

owh ye, i've received award of "sri budayawati" unimap. arigatou!!!!! i believed i received the award due to my involvement in performance and talent i grew in UniMAP.. not only singing, but i do become a violinist to supposed-two-but-one competition which is keroncong.. the othe one which i didn't got chance to join is that sayembara puisi.. sad (T.T)

i love doing all, singing, music, dancing.. but still in unimap, i haven't got chance to dance yet... owh yes, better not... take away that words!! ahahah...

so, my whole gratitude is to those who help me along last year, this year in performance and competition.. without you guys, i won't be able to do by myself. thanks to En Wan for giving me chance to join dondang sayang, nasyid bla bla bla, to libren, azuan, and abg det for da help and support for festkum... abg det especially because a lot of things from him... walaupun keroncong tak menang (hua T.T).. haish.. tu la berlagak sangat tak nak buat warm up suara pagi... grrrr... then to en mi, kak ita, en fendi, kak wani... n suma lah... thanks you so much

then to coki, naz, kak aida, my classmates who really2 appreciate my talent after all. and of course to those yang meminjamkan saya alat make up n selendang n kasut utk show.. ahha... saya pinjam selendang, bukan baju.. ngeee.. talking about this, hurm ada yang tak senang bila tgk saya terlampau aktif... tak tahu la apa masalah anda... sorry to said.. but lately, aside from being a first-impression- thought person, i'm also has become a tone and facial reader... obvious sangat ada yang tak ikhlas.. kalo anda tak ikhlas, you don't have to say a word pun... tak perlu nak membusuk hati..

owh, ini bukan dituju kepada classmate saya ye... tapi kepada mereka2 yang berkenaan... know wha, i hate talking right now. yet i hate listening to what people talks... cause sometimes, keikhlasan tu takde... much better don't ask n don't talk..

no one really understand, but as i said before, never hope people to understand you and accept you.. you'll find it meaningless.. kan? owh, actually niat tak nak emo taip entry nih, but, terpaksa... ok shut the hell case.

saya sangat kesian kat classmate saya sebenarnya... compare saya dengan mereka, mereka sangat rajin.. kalo saya tido pukul 12, dorang akan tido pukul 2. kalo saya tido pukul 2, dorang akan tido pukul 4... kalo saya tido pukul 4, dorang takkan tido n terus pegi kelas esoknya.. ni suma gara2 lab report n design project... siyesly ppk bioproses, utk adik2 junior saya nnt, jangan lah letakkan sampai 4 lab dalam satu semester... anda da grab kami punya planning utk subject wajib jugak... next sem, kena struggle utk subjek wajib pulak... sabar je lah...

siyesly, i wonder... am i really a 2nd year student.. cause i feel like i'm a 4th year student who undergoes FYP progress. everyday in lab, everyday mengadap laptop buat lab... owh my life is pathetic!

hurmm... cukup lah merapu... mood bengang sebab all lab report hilang dek virus!

pergi mampus sama ko!!!! wahai test!!!

fuck! aku benci test banyak2... tapi apa boleh buat... inilah hakikatnya... sebab banjir hari tu, suma test terpaksa postpone. nak salahkan sape?

aku tak suka test sebab aku belajar dengan mood... kalo aku belajar, tapi mood aku tak de, mesti apa yang aku baca suma tak masuk... aku rasa most of my mood comes with calculation... that's y i'll start my study with maths...

aku merapu apa nih? argghhh

kesimpulannya, aku sangat hilang mood... tolong jangan dekat...

I'm sorry

i'm sorry anis

because i didn't stand for you.. i keep down to my self. to someone who are unable to stand up and speak for you

i'm sorry anis

because i cause you a lot of trouble. if i strong enough, you won't just fall in love

i'm sorry anis

because i'm weak. which cause you to have a lot of hope even by simple words

i'm sorry anis

because i never try to be strong without love

i'm sorry anis

for every single things that has cause you hurt for what ever i want.

.............................................

and i just can say

"it's not ur fault wahai hati... it's my fault. because it's me who should control you. bukan kamu yang control saya. ikut kata hati. tak semua kata hati perlu saya turutkan."

and today,

wahai hati.. kuatkanlah dirimu, aku aku turut menjadi kuat. aku tak gagal, cuma aku baru bermula... maka dengan ini, biarlah engkau tinggal kosong tanpa perkara2 yang bisa menyeksakan hatimu, dan penuhkan dirimu wahai hati dengan ilmu dari segenap sudut. agar tiada ruang buat kekecewaan menumpang walau sekelumit di bahagian mu.

apa yang berlaku hari ni, jadikan semangat buat aku, yang bergelar wanita. aku mahu berjaya! itu yang aku mahu.. aku tak mahu perkara lain buat sementara waktu.

ps:// i actually think that allah is fullfill my doa once before.. i want one last love, and i want that love for a marriage... i think Allah really fullfill my doa.. so why should i be sad? i should be gratefull. shouldn't i? yes i should!