last post before i turn 21

1 hour 20 minutes more... about that time... well, i'm not really 21 this 12.00 o'clock by the way... about 21 years ago, i was born somewhere about 16.46 pm... well i'm not sure about it.. it was written in my birth certificate. the hospital clock might be a lil bit fast or a lil bit late from the exact time.. plus minus i guess.. if everyone keeps thinking the way i am, then there'll be a very big argument about your time of birth.. heheh...

first of all, thanks mama for giving birth of me... through cesarean section... well to have me, it's quite trouble i guess... my mum experienced the placenta previa (have to search in the web to find what its name in English or medical term)... bad for her i guess. Thanks mama for having all those kind of trouble. i'm so sorry by the way. thanks to ayah also... for all the scientific process that takes place in "forming" me...

i don't know what exactly i want to say in this post. i guess it's not only about "thank you" things. i've been thinking a lot about what am i supposed to write for this entry.. i wanna make it special... but i don't know how. so i create a lot of question.

in this 21 years of living, have i ever feel glad of doing something that at first i am hesitate? i guess a lot. but not many... somehow, when i feel hesitate of doing the thing, it sure end up worst... but not all. there still something that i'm glad doing it. ahh.. i'm so not knowing how to elaborate this..

in this 21 years of living, is there anything that i really want and i didn't get? haa.. i'm not born into a bedtime stories which whatever they dream will come true. in fact, i have a lot of things that i want but i keep it secret... it's not about taking care of others feeling... but it is more to my own feeling by the way.. what if i keep hoping to have it yet nothing comes to me? by keeping it to myself, i guess, that's the only way i'll forget it.. if i have it later, i'll be so grateful. if i didn't get it, it will just fade away, the wish.

in this 21 years of living, is there anything that i feel regret of? i don't want to say this now. if i'm regret of what i'm doing, i'm afraid, there will be a lot of regret come in future. i fact, i'm afraid of the phrase "regret of what i'm doing". what i believe is, if i regret of doing this thing, anything related to this things in the future will be a big failure.

there're a lot of question that i have answer just now. but i guess only these 3 question i really want to share the answer.

i don't really remember my memories that i have before. somehow, i pray once before. "ya Allah, please just let the good memories to stay while the bad one, please take it away".... even there are still bad memories lingers in my head, but any kind of childhood memories that i guess is bad for me, i just can't remember it unless someone makes me remember it.. haha... i found it interesting by the way.. Thanks Allah..

somehow a lot of things I've got to experience... being a teacher, being a student, being a violinist, being a performer, being a phone seller... and i'm proud of it...

i'm not sure if i really have something more to say... i should stop.. i talk many ridiculous things after all... somehow it's bored... now it's left about 30 minutes before 12.00 am... this year, no celebration again.. i guess i stop celebrating my birthday since i am 18... i do celebrate my birthday last when i am 17... i wonder if i will celebrate again in future, but i think it's not really needed after all

up till now, i have 2 things that i really want.. soon or later if i didn't get it, i'll buy it myself.. and these two things, i wont forget as i already told someone that i want them... muahahaha...

*Al-quran with translation <--- i just want to know what is the meaning of every word i recite...*

*A necklace with key as a locket <--- i have one before, i guess i'm around 15 or 16 that time, but my mum says that if someone wear a necklace with key, it shows you're already 21... so i ask her to keep it for me and once i turn 21, i want it back... it cost only RM2 by the way... i ask her again this year if she still have it, but then she said,"entah ada, entah tidak" (in another word, she not sure if she still have it) (-.-"") so i guess, i need a new one. soon or later.. even if it cost 100 and above, i'm still going to find it and wear it.. for sure!!! that's it.. ngeh3

between: happy birthday to me :))) let me be the first to wish myself :D

thanks Allah for letting me to live up till now. even i'm not a good muslim, but as time flies, i wish to be a better one... to everyone else who read this, please pray for me... thanks a lot :))