Diet!!!!

*gelak jap* berkurun lama cakap nak diet nak diet. tak diet2 jugak.

tp, kali ni serious. puncanya? cik kawan post gambar dia kat whatsapp, cakap dia dah bley muat blazer dia masa form 5. me was like woaaahhhhh.. ok. let's try this diet.

Atkins. pernah dengar? tak pernah sila google lain. secara am nye ialah, low carb, high protein diet. so makan lah banyak mana pun, but low than 20 g of carb. well this is for induction.

so last week, before aku gi perlis, aku abruptly start. for a week, tak amik nasi, gula etc. malangnya hari ke dua aku diet, aku terus demam. but still, aku continue gak.

tapi aku ada ragu2 gak ngan diet ni. ye lah amik ayam, telur, deaging, ikan. sumber protein yang ada kolestrol and lemak. aku cam risau gak effect kat tempat lain. tapi aku tny kekawan aku, seorang tgh study medic. dia kata insyaAllah x ada effect apa kalau kita follow 4 step tu. so, aku pun dengan yakin tak yakin nye continue.

tapikan, still ada musykil gak. so, masa ak gi jumpa doktor tu, aku mintak doktor tu buatkan appointment ngan dietrician. so 14/10 insyaAllah aku gi jumpa doktor tanya should aku continue diet ni.

anyway. masa 1 minggu aku try dieat ni, berat aku turun dari 100kg ke 94.5kg. *tepuk sikit*. then bila aku gi perlis, aku pakat cheat habis, air minum air manis, makan tak pantang, berat aku naik balik 98.5 kg. amik ko. -.-"

so skang ni start balik. Alhamdulillah, turun gak la semalam aku timbang. turun sekilo pun happy nye ya Allah!!

menu diet aku simple. tapi aku tak amik telur hari2. aku ganti ngan tauhu putih. aku cari dlm tenet, bacaannya dalam 1.21g carb je sebiji. tapi aku siyes tak suka tauhu. so aku tak amik sebiji. amik setengah. hahah.

nak post menu. tapi aku siyes malas. tengoklah kalo 1st week aku berjaya, nnt aku post menu aku everyday eh.

toodles~

IT HAS BEEN A LONGGGGGGGGGG TIME!!!!!!

well....

*speechless*

so when was the last time i update this? a year ago?? ok * blow away the dust*

anyway, nothing change.. not really. bad news? everywhere? good news? think positive, it'll be in your way.

so i still haven't get any permanent job. what i have now is a contract position with no particular position with a government bodies. nevermind that. as long as i can earn my own money and it's from a good source, why not?

anyway, i'm still an Arashi fan. make that to 3 years already, and i just discover the beautiful/cute ladies/girl group, AKB48 and i listen quite a lot to them lately... sorry that i became childish XD
not that sorry though. happiness is everywhere. right?

i still have way too many to achieve. so who ever in my way, please go away. don't need you. and seriously, shut up!

i'm not sure what i'm going to do with this blog anymore, but... maybe it'll full with rant later. lol.

I'm back!!! *to whom am i saying this? -.-""""*

updating???

fuiyoooo.. saya update blog... nampak na tade kerja kan? last time i update this blog was october 2012... almost a year... huhu

maa... nothing change. eh wait, somethings did change. but i'm still an Arashi fan (bila nak stop ni hoi), but now i'm almost an UniMAP alumni. currently searching for job.. (ahh... 1 down. =( ). hopefully gonna get one soon.

insyaAllah.. do pray for me, people.

between, in a few days, another change gonna happen.... what what? later i update eh? for now... papai

4th year, me and the no life

first of all... start writing this at 12.39 am... it's midnight people and i'm supposed to sleep right now, however due to some circumtances (light fever + headache *feels uncomfortable* and writing proposal), here i am, writing a post.

o-hisashiburi ne, blogger!!! sorry la, i takde bibik nak kemas sawang2 yang menapak dlm blog nih XD

owh well, i wanna write about my life as 4th year student.. *stroke that life, because no more life*... however, things must go on right.. kalo tak progress, maka tak habis lah benda yang kita buat tu.. huhu

oh, well, my FYP title has something related to silver nanoparticle. i won't explain here because i've been explaining to some of my classmates about it, and none of them really understand of what i said.. can't blame them. even my FYP coordinator herself didn't understand when i show my problem statement.. eh bukan.. she said "saya sebenarnya tak faham apa tajuk awak nih" hahahahh... the only one yang faham is my very own FYP supervisor... *kalo dia tak faham, masalah la wey* so, discuss ngan dia je laa~~

i'm glad that i have my SV as my SV... well, from my observation he's a kind of 'you do what you're happy to do'. no specific 'you have to do this'. he just tell us what he want as outcome, and we come out with what we want to do. kalo susah dr apa yg dia cadangkan, buat ikut yang kami mudah.

and he easily consult to. just kena tahu betul2 jadual dia la... kekadang jadual kami yang tak kena ngan dia.

so, kami bertiga (me doing silver nano, another member do bambara beans ferment?, and another one do on glucose sensor), how should i said this, quite ok la... my SV comment that bambara beans is the easiest, while that biosensor is complicated one.. so i'm in the middle. lol.. in the middle pun, you didn't know how i end up read six journal, but didn't get the info i want.. ORZ

so, the other classmates, most of them more on field work i guess. kena buat irrigation system for the plant. some do modelling, and ada yang thesis-like (observation). ada yang dapat SV yang ok, yang every week wajib jumpa, or specific date perjumpaan. or even worst survive sendiri sebab lecturer yang jadi SV tu busy sangat.. email jadi pengantara.. itu pun kalo sempat bukak. siap ada yang lecturer discuss ngan dorang sambil berjalan sebab busy sangat.

macam2 hal. macam2 ragam. there's one week that we have too many assignment, that i don't even have time for myself. and i end up skip on few classes. -.-" *gomen prof*

this post is actually dedicated to all my classmates. i can't denied that i myself experiencing a serious anxiousness right now. but, my way of relieving it is to talk and music. tapi tak semua orang sama cara nak calm down. ada yang kalo dengar music lagi serabut, ada yang tak leh dengar langsung bunyi pin jatuh atas lantai pun. so, carilah cara yang boleh bantu kita calm down a little bit. sebab kalo risau sambil buat kerja, for me, akan jadi tak fokus.

so friends, walaupun kita jarang2 cakap, jarang2 hang out/ buat aktiviti bersama2, saya doakan agar kita semua, Biosystems Engineering 2nd Batch Unimap akan berjaya mengharungi setahun yang mendatang ni. berjaya pakai jubah biru sama2 oktober tahun depan and sebelum tu setiap FYP yang kita jalankan berjaya.

before i end up, nak petik satu kata2 dr one of the member of my favourite band ever, Arashi *sorry bias*

"rather than smiling because of something, smile because of thinking something might come out good if you smile"

t/n: daripada senyum disebabkan sesuatu, senyumlah sebab anda fikir sesuatu yang baik akan berlaku jika anda berbuat demikian.

                                                                               - Aiba Masaki

till then. good luck.. gambarimasho!

You

you happened to be my past.

thinking of you scares me.

can't imagine my life with you when you already give the biggest hurt in my life.

just so you know, i pray that you'll never met or get any nearer to me

not anymore.

Si Mata Biru Di Bumi Malaysia

sempena hari kemerdekaan malaysia hari ni, i've decide to make a short story for it. awkward.. i admit... but... just for this special ocassion... terimalah

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Mata biru itu memandang kejauhan. Dia keseorangan. Bukan kerana dia tidak mahu berkawan, tetapi mereka menyisihkannya. Dari yang kecil hinggalah yang menjadi bapa budak, setiap mata yang memandang ke arahnya, pasti terdapat perasaan jelik dan benci.

Dia masih kecil, tidak mengerti mengapa setiap kali dia ingin memulakan persahabatan, tiada tangan yang menyambut salamnya itu. Dia tidak tahu kenapa kewujudannya seolah-olah tidak kelihatan walaupun dia dikelilingi insan-insan yang seharusnya tidak mengasingkan anak kecil yang masih bersih dari segala dosa. Bukankah doa orang yang tidak berdosa diterima tuhan?

“ibu, kenapa mereka tak suka, Amri?” soalan itu acap kali disuarakan kepada ibu yang tercinta. Acap kali juga, si ibu tersenyum sehingga membuang segala tanda tanya yang berlegar dalam diri.

Namun semakin dia membesar, dia semakin faham. Bukan kerana apa-apa dia dibenci. Tetapi kerana keturunannya.

Bapanya, seorang pegawai British yang berkahwin dengan ibunya. Atas dasar cinta kata ibunya.

Tetapi, dia tidak percaya. Andai benar atas dasar cinta, mengapa ibunya ditinggalkan pada waktu Jepun menyerang Tanah Melayu? Dan mengapa dia tidak kembali saat Tanah Melayu kembali jatuh ke tangan Inggeris yang tamak haloba mengaut hasil-hasil bumi di tanah yang bukan tanah mereka?

Si Ibu di tinggalkan keseorangan membawa 2 nyawa di dalam diri saat si kejam memerintah. Dan tahun 1943, ketika pertama kali dia menghirup udara di rumah bidan tua itu, si ayah tidak bersama mengazankan bayi suci itu.

Tidak pernah sekali dia melihat wajah si tua penipu itu.

“beritahu saya cita-cita awak, Amri?” ditanya seorang guru ketika menjejakkan kaki di alam persekolahan. Ah. Budak berusia 8 tahun, apa sangatlah yang dia tahu mengenai cita-cita.

Namun dengan penuh megah, dia menjawab.

“saya mahu jadi askar, cikgu!” namun tanpa dia duga, jawapannya hanya mengudang senyuman sinis dari rakan-rakan sekelasnya. Ditambah pula, si guru bersama turut serta dalam kesinisan tersebut.

“Askar? Anak penjajah seperti kamu mahu jadi askar? Untung-untung kembali jugalah Tanah Melayu ke tangan Inggeris,”

Dan kata-kata itu berlegar mengisi ruang mindanya.

Apakah salah menjadi anak penjajah? Iya. Mungkin salah. Mungkin mereka takut darah penjajah itu mengalir dalam darahku. Mungkin mereka takut aku mengikut jejak langkah bapa ku mengambil pusaka-pusaka bersejarah nenek moyang mereka di tanah bertuah ini. Heh, mereka salah. Bukan semua kuah harus tumpah ke nasi.

Kata-kata mereka sememangnya berlegar dalam kepala otaknya. Namun, tidak sekali mematahkan semangatnya untuk bergelar seorang askar. Soalan yang sama diulang ketika dia berusia 10 tahun, 12 tahun, 13 tahun dan 15 tahun. Dan setiap kali dia menjawab soalan itu, setiap kali itulah jawapan yang dia terima sinis semata dari rakan-rakan dan juga gurunya. Meskipun guru yang lain. Bukankah seorang guru itu tugasnya membantu dalam membangunkan anak muridnya? Mengapa terpesong pula tugasnya apabila dia?

1957 Tanah Melayu mencapai kemerdekaan. 14 tahun dia hidup, namun mentaliti mereka tidak pernah berubah. Dia anak penjajah dan gelaran it terus bersama membayangi kehidupan sehariannya.

Dan semakin dia dewasa, semakin dia matang menangkis segala kata-kata insan-insan yang paranoid dengan pemerintahan kuasa-kuasa asing. Dan semakin dia dewasa juga, semakin kuat keinginannya untuk bergelar askar, membela tanah airnya.

Ya, tanah airnya. Tanah tumpahnya darahnya. Tanah dimana tempat dilahirkan. Terserahlah apa juga kata-kata mereka. Biarkan mereka terus dengan kata-kata sinis mereka. Ya, dia anak penjajah, namun dia juga anak bumi ini.

 Dan pandangannya terhadap seorang guru berubah apabila dia berusia 17 tahun dan sekali lagi soalan itu ditanyakan.

Ahmad, beritahu kepada rakan-rakan kamu mengenai cita-cita kamu,” wajah guru tua penuh keikhlasan. Senyumannya menampakkan baris giginya yang tidak teratur.

Dia berdiri, tegak dan tegas, lantang menyuarakan cita-citanya.

“cita-cita saya tidak pernah berubah, cikgu. Saya mahu jadi askar, dan itulah yang akan saya capaikan,” ujarnya. Dan seperti yang dijangka, rakan-rakannya memandang sinis, malah ada yang ketawa. Tetapi jangkaannya salah terhadap guru tua itu.

“mengapa ketawa?” soalannya mematahkan gelak tawa rakan-rakan sekelasnya.

“mengapa memandang serong akan cita-cita seseorang?”

“tapi dia anak penjajah, cikgu,” seorang membalas kata-kata guru tua itu.

“lebih mulia dirinya dari diri seorang anak watan yang bongkak dan haloba,” sungguh cekap sekali guru tua itu bersuara. Dia hanya memerhatikan guru tua itu memberikan kata-kata semangat kepada rakan-rakan yang tidak pernah menganggap dirinya sebagai seorang sahabat.

“teruskan cita-cita kamu, Amri. Biarlah apa jua orang kata. Teruskan cita-cita murni kamu. Saya akan menyokong kamu,”

Dan kata-kata itulah yang menyokongnya untuk berjaya berdiri di sini hari ini. Di platform ini, dia berdiri menerima anugerah Darjah Kebesaran Negara, atas segala pengorbanan dan perkhidmatannya selama ini.

Dia kini bukan sekadar si mata biru. Dia ialah si mata biru yang merupakan antara pegawai tertinggi dalam Angkatan Tentera Malaysia.

“Aku anak Malaysia,” hati kecilnya berbisik.

*************************************************

that's all :)

FRIENDS

there's one time that i've said something and someone get mad because of what i said.

i said "i don't really have friends," and they replied "so, we're not your friends?".. and then i fell silent.

up to what point should we consider that someone is your friend? well this is my idea.

friend is just  somebody who is close to you, understand you and won't betray you.

and because i didn't believe people anymore, there's no such word in my life. there might be some of the people that i know understand me, never betray my trust, and close to me.. that i didn't consider as friend. that is bestfriend. bestfriend knows everything, understand you, care about you. there's such people ever exist in my life. that's the reason why i said "i don't really have friend"

this year, another definition of friend that i learn. friend is someone near to you, take advantage on what you have, betray your trust. i learn that this year. and from that time, i always consider what are you to me? everyone. every single person.

i'm not a good friend. i know. but why should i be one to someone who's not a good friend to me. up to the point that you betray my trust with the word 'help', i don't think that it's worth to have you as friend.

one more point, friend won't leave their friend when they have another friend. -reflect-

ps:// emotional rant. sorry.
ps://ps:// i wonder why. but i just won't pointing hand. please point your hand on me. then i'll start talking.
ps://ps://ps:// i'm a volcano.. for those who didn't understand that word, i just won't get mad at the moment. i'll keep it untill one time, i'll explode
ps://ps://ps://ps://for the last2 post, the friend word, it's just a word.

you may not know it.. but

...

THIS IS WHERE I CHANGE

...

ps:// i rant a lot here before, and that'll never change.
ps://ps:// it's much better for me to be sincere with my thought since a lot of people tend to make shit on me.
ps://ps://ps:// i'm still an Arashi fan, not because i wanna be jelly jelly with them, but because they are my major source of happiness. so OF YOU GO if you can't handle the fangirl side of mine..(esp kpop lover)
ps://ps://ps:// serious side of mine. F*** off if you try to make fun of it. i'm 22 this year, and i already feel the burden i'm going to hold this coming years

menjenguk blog

ahahah.. dah lama tak update kan??? well, malas nak menaip.. ok, itu tipu.

nothing special actually happened in my life. so, tak de menda nak update.

tapi satu menda yang sure. bila balik umah, punya la takde menda nak update, bila dah balik U, suma menda nak tulis.. erk???

that's all people.. bye2.. kalo ada masa nnt saya tulis pasal gi medan ye :)

cerita aku

masa aku kecik2 dulu,

aku hope aku cepat besar,

sebab orang besar banyak duit.

boleh beli sticker banyak2,

nak lekat kat pensil box,

nampak cantik and meriah je.

masa aku kecik2 dulu,

aku hope aku cepat besar,

sebab orang besar boley beli macam2.

masa tu aku nak sangat buku warna2.

yang gambar barbie tu.

siap aku cakap, lau aku besar nnt, aku nak beli banyak2.

boley main warna-warna.

masa aku kecik2 dulu,

aku hope aku cepat besar,

sebab aku nak sangat pakai cd walkman.

pakai tu nampak cam mewah gila lah..

masa aku kecik2 dulu,

aku hope aku cepat besar,

sebab orang besar boleh beli macam2 (reason ni lagi)

aku nak patung barbie.

tapi tak dapat..

so aku harap aku cepat besar ada duit sendiri,

boleh beli apa aku nak.

tapi lately,

aku gi pasar malam,

ada orang jual sticker, buku colouring ngan mainan.

aku terpikir, dah besar camni, ada lagi ke orang yang main benda2 cam tu?

tak bestnye bila dah besar

siyes~~

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to be honest, if people ask me to recall what is the best memories that i have when i am a child (since born till 12 years old), i don't think i have a good memories to remember. my child life is not fun after all. when i was a child, or to be exact, when i was born, my father salary is only RM200 at that time. potong2 bayar bil suma, agak2 cukup ke untuk sebulan?

so that, i don't really have toys. as i could recall, my toys is from my grown up cousins who didn't need them anymore. so they give it to me. at that moment, receiving them is a bless.. walaupun dah buruk. and i still keep them in my room.

and everytime we went out, of course, as a child, i do have those feeling to want those kind of things. but what my mum said,"tak mo lah, mama tak de duit lah nis," and from what my mum told me, tade pulak i hentak2 kaki sebab tak dapat benda tu. sulking, i'm sure i do it, even my mum didn't say anything about it.

i guess that's the reason why, when i grow up, i value a lot of things. i have this habit of finding the lowest price instead the quality one with the high price. and i have this bad habit of lying. when my dad ask me,"do you have money right now?" i'll say i have, even i don't really have it... and sometimes, i'll let my account to be zero for a few weeks before i ask for some.

i didn't say i'm a good child after all. what i try to say is, i really hate seeing a child being spoiled too much.. seriously.. bila tak dapat sikit, hentak2 kaki, tarik muka masam macam muka lubang tandas. contoh terdekat, my brother.

since our family has become a little bit better than before, from what i see, both my mum and my dad spoil my brother too much. it's kinda annoying actually seeing he'll get what he wants.

i won't spoil him. that's my promise. i'll treat him like what my mum and my dad treat me last time. because i think how they treat me has produce what i am right now.